My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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