I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
