Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
