It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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