On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
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the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
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Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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