I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
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We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
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There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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