Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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