So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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