So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
