Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
