he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
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Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize