I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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