I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
