i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
