Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
