Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
