I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
