Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
