Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
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Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
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thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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