At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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