My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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