I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
