either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
there is puke in my bra ... again
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
