i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
