the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
