i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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