Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
