So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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