She is in my trunk
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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