my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
