I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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