Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
