You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
