So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize