i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
