Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
i think i just lost a toe
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
