Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(662): View more from Mississippi

Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?

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(503): View more from Oregon

The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.

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(417): View more from Missouri

And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT

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(309): View more from Illinois

Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.

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(905): View more from Ontario

And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire

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(256): View more from Alabama

Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night

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