I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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