I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
