apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
