She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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