He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize