My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
i think i just lost a toe
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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