Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
