Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
