I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize