and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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