i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
