Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
