Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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