I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
