He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
