We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just blew my weed a kiss
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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