are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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