just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
