I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
