hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize