But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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