Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
