i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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