Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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