i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
